Transplant My Brain Into A Robot Body, Please

Posted: July 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

So of all the parts of this Agenda, this is the one I like the least. In fact, the last time I tried to get this project going, this part opposed me. You may remember back in May when we were all set to go and suddenly, nooo, someone had to go to the hospital for colon surgery. We’re going to look at my health, and what I need to do about it.

This is also the hardest part for me. I am not a person who takes to new habits, especially when they’re things I don’t really have much choice in. I’m somewhat a contrarian, and being told to do things by doctors (who are known for imperious orders) causes me to balk. But, as has been pointed out to me, that’s a counter-productive attitude if I want to, say, live. So in honor of my first forty years of life, I have determined to live another forty. That takes me to 2050, which is ample to be around for 2038’s centennial celebration of Superman.

Now we’ve got the why, let’s go to the outline for the what.


1. Diet

a. See nutritionist/diabetician

b. Regular meal schedule

c. Foods available in the house

d. Regulate serving sizes

2. Medication

a. Insulin

i. Preemptive

ii. Regular sugar check times

b. Get back on Prevacid

c. Concerta schedule

3. Exercise

a. Walking

i. Alone or accompanied?

b. Something that I can do listening to music/audiobooks

i. Inside, air conditioned?

ii. Exercise machine?

4. Hygiene

a. Shower schedule – morning or night?

b. Teeth

i. Fix broken tooth

So, have we started to wander into the realm of TMI? It’s one thing to talk about how I need to get my spending under control or my writing organized, and another to admit that I eat like a pig when there’s too much food around, despite knowing that the sugars will blind me and cause my toes to fall off. It’s all part and parcel of the Big Denial. I don’t like to think about this stuff. I try to ignore that I have to inject myself several times a day with sharp poky needles.

But this, as they say, is a Bad Thing To Do. (Which, if you started reading at the top, actually appeals to the contrarian in me.)

So, we’re going to put this all out there to you, Tolerant Reader. (Better? Worse? Seriously, folks, suggestions on what to call you?)

The first part, diet, is something that makes up most of the world’s self-improvement lists. But I’m not so much for the losing weight (though that would be nice, having my colon cut out and two weeks without food helped on that score) but rather for the keeping diabetes and other health problems at bay. Hence the visit to the nutritionist or diabetician. (Weird. WordPress spell check just flagged “diabetician” even though it didn’t earlier when I typed in the outline. Of course, it also flagged “WordPress,” and that’s the name of their own site. But I digress…) Part of my problem is that I don’t know what’s best for me, making it hard to know what easy snack food I can have lying around. Good diabetic food suggestions are welcomed from the peanut gallery.

I also want to move towards having a more regular meal schedule, as we’re one of those weird temporally nomadic eating families. Somewhat hard to do with Kay’s varying schedule, but it’s something I want to try for.

Most importantly (except maybe for the nutritionist advice) is to keep/get back to smaller serving sizes. I don’t need to eat all I want… I can get by with a normal amount of food. Hey, if I can go without anything for two weeks, I can go without that second (or third) Chik-fil-a sandwich. Bug me about this, if you see me eating.

Medicationwise, I’m going to tighten up my times and drugs. I find it tremendously depressing to have to take a handful of pills at a time, but if I need them, I’m going to take them. This means you, Prevacid. I also want to get my insulin intake under control by having regular blood sugar check times (iPhone medicine timer suggestions?) and going back to pre-meal insulin dosing. Since we’re eating out far less these days, that should be easier. Finally, my ADD medicine, Concerta and I need to come to some kind of agreement. I take it more, it stops keeping me up all night? Deal, compadre?

The one I’m most resistant to on the outline, of course, is exercise. If you know me at all, you know that I would be most comfortable never leaving the house and floating around in a hoverchair all the time. Unfortunately, my body apparently needs to be used occasionally to keep in shape. One thing I’ve been told to do is to walk daily. And by walk, I do not, alas, mean “walk from the bedroom to the living room as needed.” Back in April, when I was experiencing the depression that belied the May Project need for life reevaluation, I walked off after an argument in a snit and ended up trudging six miles before realizing that I was exhausted. So I can do it if I have to. I just have to remind myself that I have to.

Aside from walking, though, I’d like to find a decent exercise that plays to my strengths and preferences. There’s no reason I can’t exert myself in a way that will be air conditioned and allow me to listen to music or audiobooks. I just don’t know what that is yet. Get an exercise machine? Expensive. Maybe Craig’s list. Any other suggestions?

(And seriously here, folks, when I say “Any other suggestions?” that’s your cue to click on the “Reply” or “Leave Comment” button wherever it is and tell me something, even if it’s just a snarky joke. I like to know you’re out there. I’ll talk later about my desperate and pathetic need for attention and audience.)

Finally, I want to get a few other hygenic bits in order. While I much prefer to shower at night when my metabolism is overclocking, would a morning shower wake me up and be better for the day? Also, I’ve got a broken tooth since April. Need to figure out how to get that taken care of.

Gah. After writing all that, my original idea of “transplant brain into functional robot body” seems better and better. Can anyone help me with that one?


Tomorrow: The fifth section on the outline is labelled “Kay.” Think it’s going to get juicy and scandalous now? (No, duh. And she wouldn’t want me to post it even if it was.)

  1. Kristie says:

    I suggest joining a gym – our Planet Fitness membership is $10 per person per month. We have an eliptical trainer at home, but I hardly ever use it. It’s too easy to say that I will do it after I watch a show or finish a magazine and then not do it. If you leave the house, you aren’t as easily stopped by children or the phone. You can alternate among the bicycle, treadmill, and different step machines. Most gyms have televisions, some on individual machines, and you can always bring your own music and reading. If you don’t want to spend lots of money look into the YMCA or YWCA. You might also try a pedometer for walking to count your steps. It’s like piling up points in a game, although there are no power-ups.

  2. Melissa says:

    I belong to a Y precisely for the flee-the-children aspect, and I find it expensive, but then again I expected it to be $15/month and full of hobos with cans of beans and Sterno, and I in fact live in a fairly wealthy suburb, so.

    In terms of exercise, if you’re looking more to Do Stuff Involving Your Body and not necessarily Achieve a Numerical Goal with Some or All of Your Body, go dancing. I recommend contra for you, although I myself am more involved with Scottish and English country dancing. Dance with Kay! Take the boys! Homeschoolers totally have to folkdance! And it’s so much fun. There’s music. There are lots of other people to distract you. There are serious anthropology opportunities. It will make you happy. Probably.

  3. Laurie says:

    Remind me when you get back & I’ll give you the info on the dentist the J. saw when his plate broke. OR the clinic I found just across the border. Also, Craigslist and are good sources for not too horribly expensive machines. Maybe Kay can ask around at church?

    • OK, this is what worked for me:

      1. LoseIt. The best app ever. I know losing weight is not priority 1 for you, but oddly it is that which inspired my exercise as well. Because when you are tracking calories, the best way to be able to eat more is to exercise more. So the more I felt deprived, the more I found way to gain calories to spend on food. It’s like a video game! Seriously, it is. I have now taken up running, and if you asked me whether I would ever take up running I would have said no. Decidedly no. Are you insane no. But yes. Totally yes. Because, so many calories.

      2, Yes, a gym is good, or a treadmill. Because revelation two was what you already noted–when I can listen to music or podcasts, I don’t care so much about time lost. In fact, I have made it a rule to NOT listen to podcasts except to/from/or at the gym. So when I am longing to hear the new one…I’m off to the gym.

      But let me go back to 1. More exercise means more food! Really, I don’t have a budget I can control, because frankly I am spending more than I get in…which is a problem, but another subject. But with this–I can actually stay within a budget that I create for myself by running.

  4. Kelli says:

    While this may sound odd, it is comforting to me to know that there are others out there who feel the need for the “brain to functional robot body” transplant. While my issues are not the same as yours are (less the ole colon bit) I can empathize with your plight. The best advice I can offer is BE SURE TO CHOOSE ITEMS YOU ENJOY. Is food portioning important?? Absolutely, but (there is always a but), pace yourself. All things in moderation. All of your items are fantastic, but my own life experience says that if you do it all, all at once, you may find failure as your body says WTH?? Baby steps will win the day in the end, you will achieve your goals, and be healthier and hopefully happier for it. Best of Luck to you. Look forward to reading of your progress!

  5. Chris Y. says:

    I hate going to the gym. Just the whole disruption of life to get there doesn’t work for me.

    I found that I would actually get some exercise done walking early in the morning and listening to podcasts. It worked. Then Robby started getting up earlier than I did and I started going to bed waaaaaaaaay too late. (Ummm — yeah, it’s almost 1 am, what’s that to you?)

    One suggestion that might work for you — get an exercise bike (old fashioned kind for the low-cost option) and drop it in front of the TV. Ride it instead of sitting in the easy chair for at least an hour. You get the best of both worlds. (Some people rig up generators on them and power their TVs by peddling…)

    Food intake quantity and quality is my problem too… Here are the rules I should live by:

    Rule #1 for me is no soda. Recently I’ve become aware of studies that show that diet soda is worse than regular soda according to recent studies. Need a quick pick-me-up? Tea or coffee with no sweeteners. (If I were *really* being good — an apple is best of all.)

    Rule #2 is *NO SECONDS*. Ugh.

    Rule #3 is eat ’till I are 80% full and stop. Again ugh! I come from the clean plate club, and I’ll even clean up the kids plates. It’s not good for me.

    A friend recently got on board with a really good diet because she started a program to get a reasonable amount of sleep. I *like* this idea, but implementation is extremely difficult. :-/

    Regarding monitoring — will your insurance help pay for a continuous sugar monitor? If you also have an insulin pump I understand that you can quickly and easily dial in your sugar level. It seems criminal to me that they haven’t tied the two together in one device to create a mechanical pancreas. The technology exists for both, but it may be expensive.

  6. Josh says:

    I like this guy’s ideas: shovelgloving, the no-S diet, and the urban ranger. I haven’t been very good at following any of them, but they really appeal to my sense of common sense.

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